Interview for profile assignment

1. How many times have you been married to a man
Three

2. do you believe you chose to be gay or that you were born this way?
No one would ever make it a choice even in todays socieity, I believe that I was born being attracted to both sexes

3. Would you consider your past relationships/marrriages healthy? Why did they not work out?
My first marriage I was very young, I was 21 when I got married, he was 7 years older than myself, and we had been together off and on from 15 to 22. We had a child together, but our relationship was filled with drug/domestic abuse. My mother had pretty much fell off the face of the earth I was 17 and we reconnected and were together from that day forward until he died when I was 22. In no way did I consider this relationship healthy, it was one of the most horrific relationships I was ever in. I loved him very, very much but had no idea that domestic abuse was wrong, nor was I aware of the extent of his drug use, this could go on and on, so I will leave it at that unless you want more info on this, one really beautiful thing that we did produce however, is my daughter Nicole.
My second marriage when I was 23 and I met him in prison, its not like you think, he sent me money and helped care for my daughter and myself. To this day we are still the best of friends (he is still in prison), I could not be faithful even though I truly loved him, I just could not be married to someone behind bars and he divorced me. I believe I did it because it was safe and I knew he could not hurt me.
My third marriage was at 33 years old, I had known him most of my life. He had been clean and sober for 4 years when we got together and it was really great at first, but in the end, he was fake, he did not have the ability to love someone but himself. He was emotionally abusive, he would not talk to me for days, pure emotional torture he was good at. I decided that I did not want to live like this in my 30’s I wanted something more than just enough. Financially, we were really well off, I had never experienced it before, but I left with the shirt on my back, I was unhappy and so was he.
4. how long have you known Robin?
36 years
5. What do you consider yourself? (bisexual, lesbian, other)

I hate labeling myself and don’t really want to, so lets go for “other”
6. when did you first realize you werent only attracted to men? Probably around 10

7. what was your first bisexual/lesbian/gay encounter? how old were you?
Well I kissed a girl at 7 but my first “expericnece” was around 15

8. how long have you and Robin been in a commited relationship?
7 years

9. What was your fear in being in an open same sex relationship?
My daughters reaction, how my friends would react
10. when did you both realize you and Robin had a connection as more then just friends?
I actually did, robin had said to me (while we were still just friends) that she wished she could find someone just like me. Once she came back from Florida (8 years ago around there) I began to have feelings for her but did not act on them for a while
11. What conversation took place?
We were at a pizza parlor (she says its our “Chinese conversation but because her head was spinning and she did not understand a word I said, she made me repeat it) I basically told her that I had been in a few lesbian relationships and that I was really attraced to her, but did not want just an encounter but I wanted to give it a go at a relationship, she was one of my bestfriends and I totally got the whole, you have to have a best friend before you can have a relation ship thing. She was shocked but open to the idea of an us. I told her that I had not felt that strongly for someone in a long time, she was really for it.

12. what do you feel is different (emotionally) between your past straight relationships and your current gay relationship?
If you asked me this question 6 years ago, my answer might be different. Our relationship has evolved just like any relationship does, it has grown more mature, so I will just talk about the differences of where we are at now. I am able to express to her, what, how and why I feel the way I do, without the fear of what the reprecusisons will be, so lets say without fear at all. I know that we are committed to each other in every way, this surrounds our family and our relationship. I feel connected to her emotionally, I know in my soul of souls that she loves me, undconidally. I have NEVER had that before.

13. Are you still attracted to men?
Of course, but the word attraced might be misleading. I still have an appreciatiton for men but attraction, I don’t thinks so. I still admire a really good looking guy, but im not drawn to him.
14. in your opinion, why do you feel same sex marriages should be legal?
Yes, we are not asking men to marry men that don’t want to, if it does not affect you directly why should you care? I don’t care if you want to marry someone I don’t like, that is your choice, so why should anyone care who I marry?
15. are you religious at all?
Yes
16. what are your thoughts in religions not accepting the gay community?
I am a Christian. I was saved at 6 years old and have carried my relationship with god throughout my entire life. I think that people are entitled to their own opinion and I respect that and would never try to force my belief on to someone else. Luclily there are relgions or spiritual centers that do accept us and give us some where to go without feeling persecuted or judged.
17. since being in an open gay relationship,what do you feel has changed the most about you?
My tolerance of things that I do not understand. I think that I used to be judgemental about people and I have found that I am much more open to “try it on” before I make a judgment based on how they look, or act. I believe now in getting to know someone before I make a judgement call.
18. what were your thoughts and feelings when you and Robin went to Sf to get married?
We were excited to be in something that might change history. We were emotional, we met some really amazing people who had been together for 30 years and this was their first chance at marriage, it was really eye opening.

19. what were your thoughts when the marriages werent considered legit?

We figured that this would happen so we were prepared and did not take it too hard. We got remarried again last October in San Jose and it is still legal in the state of California.
20. how were your family members initial reactions when you we're open about your gay relationship?
The nice thing is that most of my family just wanted to see me happy so everyone was happy with it except for my daughter. She was really distraught about it and it caused some very tough times in our relastionship, but they were short lived. We just had to talk about it a lot. I had to disclose to her the fact I had had previous relationships that she was unaware of, that was a little rough. Robin really had to earn Nicoles respect for her to accept her. It took some time but it eventually worked out.

21. How are your family members thoughts now?

We really are a happy family. Joey and Robin get along really well. We have ups and downs just like any family, we are truly no different. Even with our children getting married, we really get along well with everyone. Nicole had Robin even speak at her wedding, that was important to her, Robin earned it, she earned Nicole’s respect as my partner and and to be a part of Nicole’s life. Nicole is supportive of me, stood up as my maid of honor at Robin and I’s second marriage.